Mafia Gazette Past Issue 77
The Mafia Gazette Issue 77 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 17th January 'GAZETTE EDITOR SLAIN ' Five days after the public announcement that Graceless was joining the Gazette as an Editor, she was brutally gunned down after getting caught in the crossfire of a gunfight outside the newspaper offices in Chicago. Her killer died minutes later. It is believed that the intended victim for the bullet that ended Graceless’ life was Mob_Ways, a Made Man from Miami. He was the man who killed Stomped, the man who fired the shot that ended Graceless’ life. It is unknown at this time who Stomped was affiliated with or why he was attempting to murder the Made Man, although several Mades have been targeted in the past couple of weeks. Police have issued a statement saying that they believe this attack on Mob_Ways is connected to the other attempts on Made’s lives following false claims of arming groups like the Conceptualists. Graceless’ funeral was a quiet affair with a few close friends in attendance. The Gazette carries her last article in today’s issue, handed in minutes prior to her untimely demise. 'MADE MEN ALLEGATIONS ' By Tea Jenny In the past few weeks we have all heard about the conceptualists for one reason or another. They have brought down many made men and street bosses by their guns, but now it seems the Mades who are left behind are being left with another problem... The conceptualists mainly seem to consist of a group of young thugs, fresh onto the streets and ready armed. This arises the suspicion of how they are getting the guns so quickly. Or at least how they are making the money to buy the guns so quickly. The common opinion to this seems to be that made men are buying them guns in return for money, or perhaps something else. It seems that some people are going round the made men and women of our streets and accusing them of of being the one supplying this underground group. When these Mades deny knowledge of how the concepts get their weapons, they are called liars and sent death threats. First rumours spreading around about Miss Jill Sinclair being the supplier and the latest victim of the pointing and whispering being a member of the LAA Mr Dave Courtney, who got in touch with the paper concerning threats that were made to him, only a few hours before his death. He showed the paper letters that he had received from his accuser asking him what he was getting in return for the guns and threatening him and his family. However, when I visited this mans funeral shortly after he died only to the familiar note left behind 'Courtesy of the Conceptuals' That’s funny, why kill the man who’s arming you? Answer, you don't. Before he died he told us "I am hereby denying ALL allegations about me supporting ANY underground or random movement" By the evidence shown.. it would seem that another made was wrongly accused.. Having his reputation hit for something he didn't do. Hopefully this man will be remembered in death as the honourable man he was and not by the rumours and gossip that began to spread the streets about him. 'CONSPIRACY THEORY ' by: Jerry Fletcher So I says to the guy "That Relapsed seems to think he's the target of some big conspiracy, when he's just a little minnow." And little minnows, they remind me of my days in the Boston docks, sluggin' fish alls days. You ain't never gonna get that stink off once you've been doin' it for a few weeks, you know? But MadDog, he seems to think that he ain't got no stink. Why? Cause he's a respected Citizen. Hold on while I wipe the snot off my face from laughin' so hard. The other day I was drivin' around that reporter, Graceless, and she was tellin' me about some confession of a killer at the courthouse, and MadDog shows up and says "You are just me on a smaller scale. I am proud of you", while this guy is cryin' up there in the stands and saying how sorry he is, and how he's takin' all the blame for it. The reporter, she says to me "Doesn't that seem strange to you?", and I tells her that it ain't strange at all if you remember that MadDog ain't no Citizen. For all the crap he pulls, I's been thinkin' that it sure is surprising that he's managed to keep his eyeballs in his head. Especially when he puts hits on the heads of other people right in the Streets. Citizens only remain that way until they are caught in the middle of a crime, right? So why is MadDog still a Citizen, if he's puttin' up hits for everyone to see them? Another thing I never gets about that guy is how he puts the blanket blame on everyone. And then when other people come up and ask why he says "You gotta prove you weren't a part of it", when he was the guy who brought it up in the first place. Just 'cause he says so. Citizen, hey? I know lotsa Citizens, and they ain't presumin' to know how the criminals run. They leave that for the real criminals. The ones who do the bank jobs and dodge the bullets. Yous gotta wonder about the people that follow him. If he ain't man enough to die for them, what sorta man is that? The kind that tells you to die for him, that's what. But then, yous gotta wonder what sorta real man stands in the streets and says "Do me a favor please, find one person (whose) death I am responsible for that did not disrespect me in the streets, shoot at or kill one of my friends, attempt to embarass me in a coffee house or disrespect me in (my) mail", but lets other people do the work for him. Real men, they gets up and when someone says somethin' bad about them and solves it with their own gun. But I guess that is the trouble with MadDog. He ain't man enough to own a gun. 'TO ARM OR NOT TO ARM, THAT IS THE QUESTION ' By: Mr. BBM Jill_Sinclair has said it once and she'll say it again, she will not arm anybody outside of her family. Is this the right thing to do or not? I mean, Street Bosses need to be careful about who they arm. Because they never know if the person will turn around and whack them or not. As I was walking around the streets, I overheard Ms. Sinclair state that she's been getting mail from idiots asking her for guns after she had already said she will not arm anyone. Wild_Boy was one of the idiots that kept bugging her about receiving a gun from her. After she announced that Wild_Boy was one of the idiots, some didn't take her seriously and made jokes about her arming them with bananas and such forth. In an interview with an anonymous person, I asked him if he agreed with what Ms. Sinclair and he said this, "yes mate I agree with her." Word on the streets is that people agree with what she is doing. And some just don't give a rat's ass. From one mafioso to another, please don't ask street bosses to arm you, unless if you are in a family. More on this subject in the next issue. 'JOHN DOUGH INVESTIGATES: ' A Hard hitting Expose of the high rate of deaths in our cities. We all know that life expectancy in our fair boroughs is low; some would say too low, others may not but that’s their choice. We always credit this high death rate to murder be it in self defence, gang wars or just rivalries that have become a bitter pill to swallow like the pills I take which I find to be a little bit chalky. I ask ‘what if it’s not murder, it probably is, but what if it’s not?’ What if the reports of murder were a cover up by a corporation so large and so evil that they made my school yard bully Fat Evil Pete look like a thin nice kid – J’accuse the egg advisory board! My investigation into the deaths that occurred in the last 24 hours started in Las Vegas, I was there at the time and so I thought it would be the best. I had been walking round the city for 24 hours drinking heavily and eating little, I had been into and then roughly kicked out of “The Drunken Mule” “Sir Randles Tavern” and “The Midget Arms.” Each of these places had been frequented by at least one person who had died, possibly more like two. In each place I had looked at the menu and was shocked by what I saw……Eggs! – scrambled, Fried, Devilled, Poached, Benedicted. Did the landlords not know how high in cholesterol they were; how they could cause a heart attack…did they even care? I asked the barman in the Drunken Mule. He asked how much I had had to drink and inferred that I should go and have a lie down. He wanted to get rid of me and my suspicions were raised. I stayed in the Drunken Mule for another ten minutes questioning the barman who would not give me his name. After my twelfth question and coincidently my twelfth vodka and coke he said that I needed to leave and forcibly evicted me from the bar, I protested shouting “Attic, Attic” he asked whether I meant “Attica” I’m not sure what he meant. I knew that I wouldn’t get any answers in the city, I would have to go to the source, I would have to go to the countryside. I hitchhiked my way to Unsightlyhairlip, which is 5 miles outside of Vegas. It had only taken me an hour to walk. I had driven there as a child with my Old man once. He wasn’t my dad; it turns out he was a kidnapper. He had shown me the chickens and explained that they made eggs and Fried Chicken wings. I knew this was the best place to get my answers. I saw a crowd of chickens running freely, so I jumped the barbed wire fence and started my interviews – none of the chickens would answer me, some just ignored me, others ran away squawking loudly. They were scared. After 35 minutes of intensive questioning, I noticed a man looking out of the house nearby; he looked angry and was soon tearing out of the house towards me. “Hey you drunken idiot, what are you doing on my Farm?” he shouted. His last words hit me like a rock. The rock he threw at me hit me harder. His Farm…wasn’t that the code name for the C.I.A training ground…. Good God how high did this go? Maybe too the top! I woke up the next morning with a hangover and concussion, but I guarantee that this will not stop me investigating that Farmer, if anything it will be the restraining order and threats of violence. John Dough 'THE GOOD LIFE ' by Graceless Not even in the picture shows do you get to see such a display of such far east opulence than you did at Kai's Quiet Place in Chicago. Past tense. Why? Because nice things never remain for very long in this dingy and overpopulated town (completely related). Green tea, jasmine rice, flashbacks of my childhood in Denver in abundance, the Quiet Place catered to those in need of some serious rest and relaxation. The flowers were in bloom, and the view out the window from my room to the courtyards was spoiled only by looking further towards the factories that seem to dot the skyline here in Chicago. The monks closed the QP soon after the death of Kai, in respect, and I can only hope that other hotels and restaurants nearby will at least put some plants in their windows. If you could see through the grimy glass to begin with. The Quiet Place, a good life, in memory. Now if you don't mind, I think I'm going to find a nice park to live out my fantasies of being a baseball player (A gal baseball player? Unlikely!), memories of the lush green lawn of the QP have inspired me. 'GUIDANCE, WISDOM AND TRAUMA ' By Miguel Every issue, I will answer as many questions I can, submitted by you, the reader. Please mobmail me with your question(s) as often as you’d like. By contributing to my column, you are contributing to the ever-growing popularity of this fine newspaper. Dear Miguel, If you weren't the Mayor of Las Vegas, do you honestly think you'd bag so many midgets? Always, Suzanne Dear Suzanne, Midget love is a complicated thing. The delicate art of vertically challenged seduction does not come with my title of Mayor. I built up my reputation over the course of many years. However, I can’t say that it’s had a negative effect. Signed, Miguel ********* Miguel, I seem to have lost my kitty. What would you suggest I do to find it? Dan_Cougar Dear Kittiless Dan, Go ‘round back of Peking House, they have a few caged up. Don’t be frightened by the patchy fur. Signed, Miguel ********* Miguel, Are you really so full of yourself that you think people are enjoying this column? Miguel Dear Miguel, Don’t make me wash the roofies down with vodka again. You do remember what happened last time, don’t you? Signed, Miguel 'LETTERS PAGE ' "Kidnapping and Execution of My Mother" by Gregoire_de_Fronsac As many of you may know, my mother Irish_Cream, was kidnapped and executed by The_Persecutionist. The details surrounding the reason for the kidnapping and execution, as many of you also know, are fuzzy at best. Presumably, The_Persecutionist was acting on behalf of the ASDA in retaliation for the murder of Kiss_This. Allegedly, he believed (or perhaps still believes) that my mother's boss, SonnenKinder, had a hand in Kiss_This's death. He attempted to kidnap SonnenKinder and failed. Seeing that my mother was nearby and a Wise Guy at that, he turned his attention to her and kidnapped and executed her without so much as a word being spoken. Now then, I have no idea what motives The_Persecutionist had, nor was my mother attune to what was going on between SonnenKinder and the ASDA behind the scenes. Likewise, my mother was not privy to any of the behind-the-scenes communications that were occuring between MadDog and Bullet. In fact, my mother (and for that matter me) was completely in the dark. It was not until after her death that I learned of the "feud" between the BASTARDS and the ASDA. Personally, I could care less about all of this. What irks me, however, is the way in which my mother died. The_Persecutionist chose to kidnap her and execute her immediately. Not one word was spoken to my mother by her kidnapper. Not one word was spoken to her boss or anyone else requesting a ransom or ultimatum of any kind. Instead, she was grabbed off the street and immediately shot to death. What's done is done and I'm not here to cry over the death of my mother. I simply wish to point out the cowardice of my mother's kidnapper and murderer. It was indeed a sad day when I awoke to the news of my mother's death, but I was more angered and appalled by the way in which she met her demise. 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC) KEEP IN MIND Lately, many have come to the idea of “How is this going to help our community? Well these questions will be answered straight and forward… These questions most of you have asked will be answered according to the fact of what you know already about the LVA. Obviously showing you don’t know anything about the LVA. – You probably never will, unless you are strictly part of it. Well, obviously, if most of your time is spent in jail, then you have been missing out of a lot of action. Bosses were being killed over the past few days, if you didn’t understand that correctly. If you are not part of the LVA, I guess you will never find out who formed the LVA, because it is not needed towards your knowledge. This person hopes to achieve a system of peace that would help benefit against horrific crimes. A force, meaning in this case a group of bosses fighting for the right of their home, Las Vegas. Like mentioned, this person will not reveal themselves at the moment, his identity isn’t needed for questions. Those who currently aren't or don't wish to take part in the LVA, are already part of our Crew's Alliance. So all the crews will be there in case something happens, as the LVA would do. BUT have different rules and opinions that are looked upon the actions currently forming in Las Vegas. A force, as in a group of people who work together, not to destructs together. How stupid could someone get to think it was for war, unless you act before you think! Everyone safety in Las Vegas is looked over by those in the alliance. Basically to protect from randomers, randoming in the city. Like said, all families are in some sort of alliance, only if they are known throughout Las Vegas. If others don't agree with the rules set forth, then they can go ahead and be on their own. BUT they still have an alliance with most of the crews already. Not causing too great of a problem. I know you thinking, "If they are already in an alliance, then what is the point of the LVA?" Well.., The LVA takes actions into their own hands, besides laying it off and watch things fly by as time passes. Everything is practically different, but quite similar. They are not liable to fight! - I don't understand the needing of fighting, unless forced too, or asked too. (Or they are defending their home.) War is a harsh word to say, because war is caused by something that triggers the reaction in their decision. War, war will never happen and I don't think we want it too! Do we?! Those who choose not to fight are fine, they don't needed to, but should if needed. They will stay in the alliance for as long as they feel... If 'The Boss' see's no need in the situation, then he is free to leave. This is all a matter of opportunity. If you stay, you stay, if not, then you can gladly go off and be free... Well, it's obvious, people are little nosy with the fact, like I said, NOTHING will be given out, unless they are in the alliance themselves! Rules are rules. You mug, you most likely die. If you make a wrong turn, you lose. These rules will help the community, if you read them yourselves, not have a Boss making rules over a 'real' Boss. Other families, are free not to follow the rules. Obviously, many don't understand that the rules are ONLY brought upon the Alliance, and not those who are not. It is not the fact that this person wants to hide. He feels that the LVA hasn't developed enough for people who don't care to look upon this alliance and laugh. Many people don't understand what the whole meaning of this is about, especially those who don't think before they act. Power is not wanted. No one owns Las Vegas! - We are just here to protect Las Vegas and to help it. Were not here to destructs it, as most of the community thinks. 'OBITUARIES ' Graceless Died: January 15th Graceless joined the Gazette team recently, and will be sadly missed by all her colleagues. Born and raised in Denver, Graceless was murdered as she exited the newspaper offices on the 15th January. The funeral was held at The Cathedral Of The Lord Of The Rock in her hometown of Denver and it was a quiet service with few in attendance. Original Tanzini, Miguel and Sambora openly wept at the passing of this delightful young writer and her colleague, CarmelaDeAngelis laid flowers on the coffin. Viktor_Darkmoon described her death as “a loss to the world of journalism,” echoing the sentiment of many who laid flowers and Ipanema, an old friend from college flew in to be at the service. Graceless was a bright, rising star in the world of journalism whose untimely death has cast a shadow over all who came to know her in her brief return to the US and her short tenure as Editor of the newspaper. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago or Ipanema c/o Brown Hotel, Denver. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis or Ipanema, Editors of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '